Assertiveness Training Classes
The goal of our Assertiveness Training
class is to enable participants to learn to express their rights, requests, opinions, and feelings honestly, directly, and appropriately without violating the rights and self-esteem of others.
Assertiveness Training Institute training
class begins with a self-assessment that
enables individuals to understand their personality.
We delve into each person’s strengths,
weaknesses and stress areas to help people understand
what makes them “tick.” We then
begin the process of enabling participants to
understand how to
more effectively with others. Through various
activities and assertiveness training exercises, participants
then begin to recognize other communication
styles and the best way to communicate to them.
Here is when the process of becoming more assertive
truly takes shape – by understanding the
needs of other communication styles, participants
learn how to express their opinion and stand
up for their interests regardless of who they
are dealing with.
For more information on our
Do you habitually give in to other people because
you just can't stand the thought of upsetting them? Do
you put your needs to one side because you get a buzz
from someone else's happiness, only to find that he or
she is not a bit grateful? If so, you are a classic
"people pleaser," and you are, in all probability, not
getting what you want out of life. It's time to shift
the focus from others to yourself, and stop being a
There's trouble ahead when you live only for the
approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing
what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth
contests. Your task is to be assertive, not popular.
1 Think of five times when you did or said something
that did not truly reflect your wants and needs, in
order to please someone else. Write them down. For
each of these occasions, imagine how you would have
handled it differently - to please yourself! What is
the worst that could have happened? Write down your
2 Look at your fears. Are they realistic? Are they
truly terrible? You might be afraid that no one will
like you, that someone will leave you, or that you
will be left all alone if you don't say the right
thing. That is a prison you have trapped yourself in,
and it's time to unlock the doors and walk out! The
people around you may be used to your compliance, but
if they're not willing to accept that you have your
own needs, are they really worth having in your life?
3 Examine your ability to set limits on others.
Examine your boundaries. Where are they? What is
acceptable behavior for you and what is unacceptable?
Do you tolerate the intolerable? Normalize the
abnormal? Accept the unacceptable? Do you know what it
feels like to be treated with dignity and respect?
Learn how to identify and label unacceptable treatment
from others and how to set limits on their behavior
when they violate your boundaries.
4 Consider the source. Many people pleasers were
raised in environments wherein their needs and
feelings were pushed aside/not considered. Were you
always expected to anticipate, and to mold yourself
to, everyone else's needs? Did you learn that the only
way to receive a positive response was to do what
others wanted you to do? If so, here's a newsflash:
Not all the world wants a pushover. By focusing on
pleasing others, you open yourself up to manipulation
and abuse. You will never reach your potential as an
individual if you constantly hide behind others'
5 Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for
other people. It's noble to want to help others, but
it's something you should do because you want to, not
because you feel you have to. The greatest acts of
kindness are those done by choice, not out of fear or
guilt. If you're doing things for others because you
would feel bad if you didn't, is the action really
genuine? Would you want others to help you under those
terms? And, if you're helping others to such an extent
that you are neglecting yourself, is that really wise?
6 Learn how to say "no." Don't make up excuses - give
your reasons for not wanting something. So your
husband wants his entire family to come to Christmas
dinner, and you just can't face it? "I'm sorry
darling, I find the pressure of entertaining such a
large number of people intolerable." Your best friend
wants you to go with her or him to a party that will
be full of people that you can't stand? "No thank you,
it's just not my scene." Start small - find something
small to say "no" to, but say it firmly. Say it
politely, but mean it! You'll be surprised; the world
will not collapse around your ears! People rarely take
offense, and those that do aren't worth pleasing.
7 Ask for what you want. If everybody's going to the
movies, and most people in the group want to see a
particular movie, but you'd rather watch something
else, speak up! There's nothing wrong with voicing
your opinion, and it doesn't have to mean you're
making a demand. Simply reminding people that you're
an individual with your own preferences is a big step
forward. Even asking someone to help you do something
Ultimately, you must remember that no one can read
your mind. If you feel that you do so much for others,
but they don't do anything for you, maybe it's because
you don't express your needs or desires. It's not fair
to make people pry an answer from you. If they ask you
what you want, or if there's a decision being made,
put in your opinion, and let that be that.
8 Do something for yourself. Do one thing you have
been wanting to do, but are afraid someone else will
not like. Dye your hair, get that new look, have a
treat that you enjoy, go on holiday....whatever you
do, do it for yourself, and practice not worrying what
anyone else thinks about it. Don't get caught up in
doing things just because no one else wants you to do
them. Remember that there ought to be things that you
truly want to do for yourself, regardless of what
anyone else thinks, not in spite of it. Other people's
opinions are a factor in our lives, but they should
not be the determining factor.
9 Compromise. While it's not good to be a pushover,
it's no better to be a manipulative bully or a
reckless rebel. Don't become totally selfish. In fact,
many people pleasers have low self-esteem. So do those
who are selfish. It is best to develop good self-care
skills, which include healthy assertiveness skills.
You can listen to others, but ultimately, what you do
is your choice. Keep a balance! Sometimes the needs of
other people should come first. Whenever there's a
conflict of desires, try to come up with a solution
that will meet both desires halfway, or better yet, a
"win-win" situation where both sides get even more
than they bargained for.
Source: Anna Browning
Related: Assertiveness Training
For more information on our assertiveness training
seminars contact us here.